How to Set Boundaries From the Beginning Without Turning Him Off
Setting boundaries early in a relationship or even when you are just starting to date is important. It often slips the mind because you’re just worried about having a good time and getting to know one another. Unfortunately, this is most likely when someone will overstep and then a conflict is created. Setting up healthy boundaries early on allows both of you to know where you stand with each other and reduces a lot of unnecessary misunderstandings. But it’s also important that your boundary setting doesn’t come off as a list of restrictions. You don’t want him feeling like he has to walk on eggshells around you. That’s absolutely the wrong way to connect with someone. You want to set your relationship up for success or weed out the ones who you are not compatible with. Now, how do you do this without turning him off? To start off it should be a conversation, not just you and your talking points. You both need to have a transparent dialogue about your boundaries, including appropriate expectations. Let him know you’re curious about his deal breakers. Listen to them, taking mental notes, and he’ll return the favor. He’ll want to know what things/behaviors to avoid so he can have a greater chance with you. Understand this, though, a person who wants to manipulate/control you will make every effort to test those boundaries. They’ll usually do it immediately so be aware and if that happens, get out! This conversation should spark great dialogue. Ask for specifics if you’re unsure what he means by a certain deal-breaker or boundary he wants to establish. Allow him to ask questions, too. You can make this fun instead of daunting. In order for this to be a successful conversation you must show mutual respect for one another, otherwise it was pointless. You want to give your relationship the best possible start. Creating a foundation that has been set with honesty, trust, care and understanding is the best way to get things started. This also means that if at any point you feel uncomfortable with his behavior towards you or a disregard for the boundaries that have been set… speak up. Do not hesitate to voice your concern. It’s either one of two things; he has misunderstood and needs a better understanding so he can be mindful of where he went wrong or he no longer cares to oblige you or your feelings and it’s time to call it quits. Which is okay, both ways. No one is perfect and mistakes will be made in a relationship, show him some grace if he really is a good man and is putting forth the effort. On the other hand, there’s no point in staying with someone who no longer has your best interest at heart. Remember to be clear, speak up and be honest. It’s the one of the most efficient ways to weed out the ones who don’t care to put in the work. You are worth the time and effort. Be proud of who you are and how hard you’ve worked to become the woman you are today. Under no circumstance should you allow any man to take that from you Diva!