How Not to Take Care of A Man Who is Financially Struggling
Scenario: You meet a nice man. He’s kind, hardworking, attractive and seems to have your best interest at heart. However, you’ve met him during a stage in his life when he’s financially struggling. It doesn’t seem permanent, but financially you and he are not necessarily compatible right now. But he’s a good man and you have a giving spirit... you want to help. WHAT DO YOU DO? First, have an honest conversation with him about where the both of you are financially. Allow him a safe space to be open with you about his current financial struggles. You don’t want him to feel like less of a man or that he has to hide anything from you because of how you may react. If your relationship is to continue, you want it to be a healthy and mature one where you both feel welcomed to be open about your hardships without judgement. Be supportive. This does not mean that you need to financially support him. This means you provide a listening ear, advice (only when asked for) and encouragement. Encourage him with positive energy, energy that is helpful. Do not be condescending or nagging about how and when he needs to handle things. If you are there to ride it out, do so encouragingly. With that said, you are not obligated to stay either. Make sure you are honest with him and yourself as you become aware of and discuss the situation. Don’t hold on to the relationship out of pity and compound his stress. Your support, if he’s the right man, is all he’ll ask of you. Do not interfere. Believe in his ability to solve his problem. He is not a problem to be solved and he doesn’t want to feel like one. Financial problems can be complicated and time-consuming. Trust that he will handle his business. If necessary, a budget may be helpful for your date nights, until he’s straightened his finances out. But if you plan on continuing the relationship, you must allow him to do this on his own. He wants to know you respect him and believe that he is capable. You are his woman, his partner... not his mother. The reality is he most likely doesn’t want your help and wouldn’t ask for it. He should have a plan to rebuild his finances and rectify his own situation. He is not your husband so his financial struggle is not yours. Allow him to be an adult and take responsibility and do the work he needs to. Be his feminine energy, support him that way. It’ll work wonders, better than you paying off his debts and him resenting you in the long run for doing so.