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Feeling obligated to have s*x after a man pays for dinner or buys you something


Previously, I wrote an article about why women shouldn’t pay for things while dating men. Therefore, divas in my community aren’t paying for dates. But there is a common question, “Hi Shay! Since he pays for dinner and buys me gifts, I feel obligated to sleep with him. What should I do?” That’s a fantastic question. Now please let me help you & I will explain what to do in detail today.


You have given him your time.

If you think your honeypot is the most precious gift that you can give a guy, then you are wrong. You know what, every woman has a honeypot! So, yours isn’t special. As a matter of fact, your time is your most valuable asset. You can always have your money back, but you can’t have your time back. So, it’s time to take this seriously – the fact that you’ve given him your time means you don’t owe him anything, even though he has paid for dinner and bought you gifts. In some cultures, even when a man and a woman aren’t dating, he is still supposed to pay for things when they are hanging out. However, in modern western culture, a lot of men expect women to pay for things, even though they are dating (sad but true). Frankly, modern expectations for women make dating quite stressful. More exactly, because some women would pay for things on dates when a guy has paid for dinner and bought you gifts, you begin to wonder whether you owe him anything. But in actuality, you owe him nothing & you are not obligated to sleep with him, because you’ve given him your most valuable asset – your time. Indeed, you could have spent your time with someone else or doing something else, but you have chosen to spend your time with him. That is a privilege, so he shouldn’t take this for granted.

He pays for dinner and buys you gifts, but whose money is that?

I know this question sounds a bit confusing – you may wonder, “Isn’t that his money?” Well, technically, it is his money because he has paid for dinner and he bought you gifts. But in reality, this isn’t always 100% true. Please let me explain. Have you watched the well-known TV show Mad Men? Do you remember how Don Draper met Roger Sterling in the 50s? Yes, that’s right. Roger Sterling was buying a gift for Joan Holloway at Don Draper’s fur store. That was how they met & that changed Don Draper’s life forever. Indeed, many women would prefer dating a successful guy like Roger Sterling because he is rich and generous – he pays for dinner and buys women gifts. Yet further examination reveals that Roger Sterling is actually spending his father’s money because he inherited his father’s wealth and business. That’s exactly why Roger Sterling is very generous when he is dating attractive women. The key point is when a guy is spending someone else’s money, he doesn’t really feel much. Clearly, when money comes to him very easily, he doesn’t value money very much. However, if you don’t make money easily, you probably value money much more than he does. That’s why you feel obligated to have s*x with him after he pays for dinner or buys you something. Now you’ve got the gist: You need to evaluate whether the value of money in your eyes is the same as the value of money in his eyes. In many cases, the value is probably the same. But in certain cases, the value can be dramatically different.

Paying for dinner and buying you gifts ≠ investing in you

Because my blog is all about helping you get what you deserve in a realistic way, I hope you don’t mind reading something about the raw realism (I’m not going to sugarcoat anything here): If a man is a multi-millionaire and he has paid for dinner & bought you flowers, his investment in you is actually very low (almost non-existent). Even if he didn’t have a date with you, he probably would spend the same amount of money on a fancy dinner & a random toy for himself anyway. That means you have added more value to his dinner. Now if you feel too impressed only because he has paid for dinner and bought you flowers, then you are definitely dating out of your league. By contrast, if a man is a starving artist who has paid for dinner & bought you a gold necklace, that means his investment in you is very high. That is to say, paying for dinner/buying you gifts doesn’t necessarily mean investing in you. If he hasn’t invested in you yet, you don’t need to invest in him – always remember this golden rule. My philosophy is: Don’t invest in a man based on how much you feel obligated to do something for him; invest in a man based on how much he invests in you. You can learn more about this philosophy in Single Women: Attract the Mate. Ginie Sayles once said, “If a man doesn’t spend money on you, he doesn’t like you, because people only spend money on things/experiences that they value.” I think she is right. That being said, spending money on you doesn’t always mean investing in you. There are many ways to evaluate whether a guy invests in you:

Does he spend money on you? (I’ve already explained this part.)

Do you feel his love for you? (Love is a very strong emotion. If he loves you, you would feel it – you would certainly know it. If you don’t even feel his love, that means he doesn’t love you. Period. Therefore, you don’t need to ask 10 girlfriends, “He has done this and that. Does he love me?” and then spend 10 hours analyzing the situation. If you even need to ask this question, it already means he doesn’t love you. You already have the answer. You just don’t like the answer.)

Has he introduced you to his friends and family members? (It’s absolutely, positively possible to meet his family and friends before sleeping with him. In fact, I would encourage you to meet his social circle before having s*x with him, because in this way, you will know you are not dating a crazy person due to the social proof & you can have a better understanding of his life in general.)

Does his goal match your goal in this relationship? (By that I mean you two should have the same relationship goals so that you can have a sustainable and healthy relationship. For example, if you are looking for a serious relationship but he is looking for a casual fling, then you two don’t have the same goals. Nonetheless, if you are looking for a serious partner and he is looking for a wife, then you two share the same goal in this relationship. Therefore, he will want to invest in you.)

I have provided some very realistic analysis regarding this topic, and I do hope you have got a lot of takeaways from this article. In conclusion, you don’t need to sleep with him after he has paid for dinner or bought you something. You only sleep with him because you want to do it. Having intimacy with a guy should be your idea. Shay Levister is a certified dating coach who has been helping professional women find love for more than one decade.

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