Often times, when introverts are asked why they’re still single or are not seeing anybody, they reply with: “I’m too shy,” “I’m not confident enough to go on dates.” “I prefer to be single,” “I am more comfortable by myself,” “I don’t need anyone to complete me.” Truth be told, there’s a lot of fear in each of those phrases. Fear of being rejected. Fear of not being accepted, as is. Fear of putting themselves out there. Fear of making mistakes. Ultimately, fear of failure.
Dating is becoming a tough game for everyone. Whether you agree or not, dating is a game and to win, you need to start playing. But, how will dating become easier for introverts? Are there tips to help introverts overcome their shyness and help them step out of their box?
If you are an introvert or know someone who is an introvert, here are some dating tips to put you and them on top of the dating game:
You don’t need to be perfect. So take the pressure off!
“Women, take the pressure off when dating. He has to impress you – not the other way around. YOU are the prize.” – Steve Harvey
During dates, some of the top concerns are looking and acting our best. We feel this urgent need to impress our date in order to build connections with them. But I’m telling you to take the pressure off! Show your real self, your personality, not what you think he might like. You don’t need to laugh when the joke isn’t funny. You don’t need to like everything he likes. Awkward silence is inevitable, especially during first dates, and that’s okay! One way to remove the pressure is to simply be honest. Don’t put on a façade. What if he falls for that fake version of you? A version you would never be able to maintain? Instead of wondering if you’re good enough for him, evaluate if you even like him, if you two have things in common. Consider how he treats the waiter- is he kind or arrogant? Realize that you are the catch and his job, his mission and purpose in dating is to pursue you!
Acknowledge then let go of all the excuses!
You may have come up with a lot of reasons to avoid conversation. Perhaps you feel others are judging you. You may have decided you would rather sit in the corner of your favorite coffee shop. You typically say “no” to party invitations and avoid all intimate interactions by sitting with headphones on or by having an open book in your hands. The idea of being vulnerable can be terrifying but love can’t find you in a vacuum. Be open and leave the insecurities at the door.
Plan topics ahead. You’ve got this!
If one of your worries is that you’ll run out of topics to talk about, planning and thinking about possible topics a few hours before your date is a great idea! Just make sure that the conversation will not sound as if you’re reading a well-written script! Again, it’s not your job to impress him. But it is your job to find out if you want to move forward with this person, if he deserves a second or third date. You can only determine that by getting to know him, which requires asking open-ended questions and listening to learn more.
Date in a place where you feel comfortable!
To all my people pleasers- those who feel compelled to do what they are asked to do even if they’re not comfortable with it. If you’re invited to go out on a date in a bar, it’s okay to say “no” if you don’t like loud places or the typical bar crowd. Choose a place where you feel most at ease and can be your most confident self. Never agree to do anything you aren’t comfortable with doing. Period.
Classic introverts usually prefer to be alone so going out with someone is a bit uncomfortable and even daunting. You may not consider yourself to be a conversationalist. How will you keep up the conversation? Find ways to show interest and as much as possible, be confident in who you are and what you’re bringing to the table. Remember, you’re the prize!
After your date, don’t overthink it. Do yourself a favor and don’t relive every single moment in order to critique how it could have been better or to find all the flaws. Do not beat yourself up if you think you said or might have done something wrong. Choose to focus on the good parts of your dating experience! That first date just might be the great start to building a lasting relationship! Your fears and shy personality don’t have to stop you from attracting love. Instead, it can absolutely draw you to the man that was meant for you! Date confidently, Diva!!!