Based on the National Health & Social Life Survey, more than 40% of married men, 16% of cohabiting men and 37% of dating men engaged in infidelity; in contrast, only 1% of married women, 8% of cohabiting women and 17% of dating women cheat.
So, you are not alone. In fact, a lot of women are looking for affair recovery help.
Many women have been cheated on and many women will be cheated on by their partners. And yes, you read that right – over 40% of married men cheat (some wives don’t know it and will never find it out & the statistics only include men who admitted their sexual infidelity; therefore, now you can imagine how many men cheat and never admit their affairs).
Having said that, there are still a lot of good men who don’t cheat on their ladies. Hence, if you are looking for a satisfying love life, there is still hope. Now let’s talk about how to trust men again after being cheated on.
• If you are actually married and your husband cheated on you….
If your husband cheated on you, I understand your pain because this isn’t the easiest thing in the world. Now you are wondering what options you have. Before you make a decision, I’d like to encourage you to use your logical reasoning to analyze the situation and avoid allowing emotions to rule your world.
Please write down your answers to these questions below:
A) Is the emotional connection with your husband still present?
B) Do you have mutual benefits with your husband? (e.g. a business owned by both of you, kids, and so forth)
C) Are you happy with the intimacy in bed with your husband?
For instance, Naomi is a betrayed spouse looking for affair recovery help, and here’s her answers to these questions:
A) I can’t measure the emotional connection in this marriage because both my husband and I had very bad childhood experiences which made us care very little about emotions.
B) Yes, we have a successful company which generates a large amount of revenue every year. This company is successful because of his intelligence, hard work and connections in the industry. We have 3 kids who are all under 10 years old.
C) Yes, honestly, I’m very happy with the quality of intimacy with my husband. That’s why we have 3 kids.
Basically, there are three pillars in a marriage: 1) emotional connection; 2) intimacy; 3) mutual benefits. If a marriage has two pillars in it, that’s a very good marriage. If a marriage has one pillar in it, this marriage is still sustainable. If a marriage has three pillars in it, this couple should be on Oprah.
It is clear that Naomi’s marriage is actually very good, although her husband cheated on her. Thus, Naomi has decided not to divorce her husband and they have received affair recovery help. Now Naomi and her husband are still happily married.
“When I was in my early 20s, I was secretly in love with Don Draper from the popular TV show Mad Men – Don Draper is handsome
, rich, generous and mysterious, but he is having all kinds of affairs all the time,” says Naomi, “I don’t know why I was attracted to that type. Two years later, I met my husband who operates like Don Draper – he treats me in the right ways and is a great mentor of mine. But unfortunately, he is too successful and attractive, so a lot of women are attracted to him. I guess if I find him hot, many other women would find him hot as well. Someone told me that a man is only as faithful as his options, and a few months later, I found out my husband’s affair with his secretary. Thanks to the affair recovery help, we are still happily married today.”
A Taiwanese psychiatrist who offers affair recovery help famously said, “If betrayed wives don’t forgive their cheating husbands, most couples can’t stay married in this world.”
• What’s under your control & what’s not?
Bill Clinton once said, “Life isn’t about what’s happened to you. Life is about how you react to what’s happened to you. No one can emotionally punish you without your permission.” His wisdom is to be admired.
That is to say, the quality of your life is determined by your reaction to what’s happened in your life, for you can’t control what happens to you; however, you can absolutely control how you react.
As you are trying to control things that are outside your control, that’s exactly when anxiety arises.
No, I’m not saying what your spouse did is right. I’m saying you can only do so much. You can’t control his behavior; you can only influence his behavior to some degree.
This is the real marriage dynamics – When you have a fresh attitude, your attitude determines your behavior. Your behavior influences your spouse’s behavior to some extent. Nevertheless, you can never control your spouse’s behavior.
As I see it, women in this day and age certainty have more options than women in the 40s as these days modern women have a lot of opportunities to transform their lives. When a woman has more options, she becomes more resilient if her husband cheats on her, because she doesn’t have to financially rely on him entirely and he is not the only source of her happiness anyway. What’s more, there is lots of affair recovery help available. For example, Shay Levister is a Certified Love Transformer™ who helps the betrayed spouse to recover from this type of trauma. You may check out her new book The Science of Attracting Love.
• If you are not married yet and he cheated on you….
Just. Move. On.
Although I showed you how to analyze the pros and cons of a marriage after being cheated on, the advice for unmarried women is very different.
Indeed, if a woman is married, she has to consider various aspects apart from love due to the complexity of a marriage. However, if you are not married, the nature of your relationship is different from the nature of a marriage, especially if you don’t have children with him.
I worked with a woman named Maria. In her world, if the choice is between her dignity and having a relationship, she will prioritize her dignity above all else. When her ex-boyfriend was cheating on her, she was not too tolerant of disrespect and she left him immediately. Here’s how Maria operates in love:
Maria keeps her edge and has enormous self-respect; she holds the conviction that her self-worth governs her decisions. Because she is not afraid, ironically her ex-boyfriend became afraid to lose her. Because she is not needy, her ex-boyfriend started to need her. Because she isn’t dependent on anyone, he starts to depend on her. That’s why her ex-boyfriend ended his affair quickly and was asking Maria to go back. It’s like a reverse magnet. In conclusion, the person who is least dependent on the outcome of the relationship will automatically draw the other person in. Nonetheless, Maria didn’t care – she broke up with him and found a great guy that she absolutely deserves.
“It’s not about trusting men or not; it’s about trusting myself,” says Maria, “I trust my own abilities, my self-worth and what I deserve to have in love and in life
Shay Levister is a CERTIFIED LOVE TRANSFORMER™ helping successful singles end chronic single-itis with scientifically proven techniques that fast track their Journey To Love!
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